After having a round of drinks with Vijay at the Wetherspoon pub, I went to the counter to get another one. I was about to pay when a heavy hand fell on my shoulder. It was Bakshi. The worst thing that should never happen to me in a pub has just happened.
'What is that you're buying for me?' Bakshi stared into my eyes.
'What do you want?' I asked.
'I will have beer, Kronenbourg.'
Ohh!!! That's not what I meant. I should've asked him, 'What the fuck do you want?' But having started to learn to be patient, I said, 'Okay, fine.' There was a pindam* (aka a tail, favourite associate) as well with him. There were a few associates like him who always walked around Bakshi like the flies on a cut-open jackfruit.
We sat at the table with Vijay who looked surprised to find that I have brought Bakshi from nowhere to drink with us. In fact, Vijay and I were just discussing the atrocities of Bakshi who had poured down his vengeance on Vijay the day before yesterday for letting a client manager go cross with Bakshi.
In brief, the story was that Vijay and Kumar were handling the testing of an application at onsite and they had a few fellow testers back in India. The test manager Katherine, an English lady, was in the black list of Bakshi because 1) she was a lady and 2) she had questioned him many times about the efficiency of the offshore team.
An email that contained some low rated comments about Katherine sent by Bakshi to Vijay, Kumar and the offshore testing team leaked out and Katherine got a chance to see it. Bakshi had to struggle a lot to clean his ass out of it. Bakshi thinks that it was Vijay who was behind the leak.
As soon as Bakshi finished his first round, he was close to get kicked by Vijay. 'Katherine is a pain in my ass and you are the fucking oil behind it.' Bakshi shouted. Vijay’s eyes thanked me for getting him into trouble.
‘I am warning you; I am really warning you. Stop doing this to me. I will fuck you. You think she is your mother? When she leaves this account, there wouldn't be anyone to support you. If any of you try to mess with me I will screw you. I will screw you left-right-centre. Get your acts clear Vijay.' He then turned to me 'Alex, tell your friend not to mess with me.' Bakshi didn't mention that it's because of his fucking email that he got himself into trouble.
‘I have always tried to protect you, educate you. Katherine is a gora (white) and I'm a desi (Indian); if you become a pain in my ass, I will chop you off.’ He continued.
He drank quite a lot that day because all of it was free. He never got up to buy a drink for any of us. In fact he has never ever done that on any occasion. We bought him drinks with our money to get abused by him. The speech went for about two hours, 5 rounds of free beer for him.
‘Don’t tell her. I have a plan to get her out of this project just like that.’ Bakshi snapped his fingers. We imagined Katherine flying out of the office with the sound of the snap.
‘No, you go and tell it to her, because it's already calculated.' The pindam said something that didn’t make any sense.
‘What did I do Bakshi?’ Vijay asked apologetically.
‘I will fuck you mother fucker, you bloody get out of the way. Being a WRSC boy, I will make you rot in offshore. Fuck you, don't ask funny questions. You are my boy. You work for me. You do like what I say. Don't think you're working for her. She is just a test manager. Don't be an asshole.' Bakshi seems to have forgotten that we all work for WRSC and not for him. And then Bakshi’s attention turned to me. ‘I don't tell about myself that often. Since I'm a friend of yours I'm telling you I can make my client eat from my hands, my clients swear by me.’
Yes, he was my best friend in London but who wants to eat from his hands, I thought; not even his kid I guess, because not only his hands but his shirt, jacket, everything smells like shit. My best guess is that he takes bath only once in a month and is against the idea of washing clothes.
Bakshi took a sip from his free drink bought by Vijay and turned back to him.‘Fuck you, that bitch had the tenacity of asking me what is the productivity of my offshore team. You want to be onsite huh? I will make you rot at offshore for years.’ He turned back to Vijay again. ‘I know you have great love for Katherine. But she's not going to keep you onsite for long. I'm being nice to you because I am giving you only this warning. Otherwise I would've given you a fucking rating and got you out of WRSC. Your job is yours and not mine.’
'How much ever long it is, it's that longer.' The pindam added.
Vijay's eyes were swollen. A hefty masculine figure had tears in his eye.
'Don't cry now. The client screwed me. Ek desi kahawat hai (There is an Indian proverb.) Gand mein chatha dalke khol doonga. (...will put an umbrella into your ass and open it.) Consider client as a client. Don't think he's your father.’
And the pindam repeated the proverb and smiled. He should’ve imagined it, I'm sure.
I looked at Vijay. I couldn't read the expressions on his face. I felt like he would pull Bakshi by his neck and smash his face on the table. I wanted to take Bakshi's "free" beer bottle and smash it on his head. The question was who was going to do it first.
I decided I would. I kept my glass aside as I didn't want to spill my drink. I took a deep breath and pushed my chair back a little. The bartender came to our table and announced that bar is closing. Bakshi stood up, took a bottoms-up of his drink, left the bottle at the counter and left the place with the pindam on his tail.
*A Pindam [pin-dəm] in Malayalam, actually known as anapindam but referred to as pindam in short, is the elephant dung. In the wilderness, you have to be afraid of the elephant as well as the dung because if the dung is hot, it means the elephant is near. In the corporate world, it can match a tail of the big boss, an associate who walks around him all the time to earn favours. He may do from his manager’s excel sheet to carry his laptop bag. There are slight variations though. Sometimes, you may need to respect this associate as well.
'What is that you're buying for me?' Bakshi stared into my eyes.
'What do you want?' I asked.
'I will have beer, Kronenbourg.'
Ohh!!! That's not what I meant. I should've asked him, 'What the fuck do you want?' But having started to learn to be patient, I said, 'Okay, fine.' There was a pindam* (aka a tail, favourite associate) as well with him. There were a few associates like him who always walked around Bakshi like the flies on a cut-open jackfruit.
We sat at the table with Vijay who looked surprised to find that I have brought Bakshi from nowhere to drink with us. In fact, Vijay and I were just discussing the atrocities of Bakshi who had poured down his vengeance on Vijay the day before yesterday for letting a client manager go cross with Bakshi.
In brief, the story was that Vijay and Kumar were handling the testing of an application at onsite and they had a few fellow testers back in India. The test manager Katherine, an English lady, was in the black list of Bakshi because 1) she was a lady and 2) she had questioned him many times about the efficiency of the offshore team.
An email that contained some low rated comments about Katherine sent by Bakshi to Vijay, Kumar and the offshore testing team leaked out and Katherine got a chance to see it. Bakshi had to struggle a lot to clean his ass out of it. Bakshi thinks that it was Vijay who was behind the leak.
As soon as Bakshi finished his first round, he was close to get kicked by Vijay. 'Katherine is a pain in my ass and you are the fucking oil behind it.' Bakshi shouted. Vijay’s eyes thanked me for getting him into trouble.
‘I am warning you; I am really warning you. Stop doing this to me. I will fuck you. You think she is your mother? When she leaves this account, there wouldn't be anyone to support you. If any of you try to mess with me I will screw you. I will screw you left-right-centre. Get your acts clear Vijay.' He then turned to me 'Alex, tell your friend not to mess with me.' Bakshi didn't mention that it's because of his fucking email that he got himself into trouble.
‘I have always tried to protect you, educate you. Katherine is a gora (white) and I'm a desi (Indian); if you become a pain in my ass, I will chop you off.’ He continued.
He drank quite a lot that day because all of it was free. He never got up to buy a drink for any of us. In fact he has never ever done that on any occasion. We bought him drinks with our money to get abused by him. The speech went for about two hours, 5 rounds of free beer for him.
‘Don’t tell her. I have a plan to get her out of this project just like that.’ Bakshi snapped his fingers. We imagined Katherine flying out of the office with the sound of the snap.
‘No, you go and tell it to her, because it's already calculated.' The pindam said something that didn’t make any sense.
‘What did I do Bakshi?’ Vijay asked apologetically.
‘I will fuck you mother fucker, you bloody get out of the way. Being a WRSC boy, I will make you rot in offshore. Fuck you, don't ask funny questions. You are my boy. You work for me. You do like what I say. Don't think you're working for her. She is just a test manager. Don't be an asshole.' Bakshi seems to have forgotten that we all work for WRSC and not for him. And then Bakshi’s attention turned to me. ‘I don't tell about myself that often. Since I'm a friend of yours I'm telling you I can make my client eat from my hands, my clients swear by me.’
Yes, he was my best friend in London but who wants to eat from his hands, I thought; not even his kid I guess, because not only his hands but his shirt, jacket, everything smells like shit. My best guess is that he takes bath only once in a month and is against the idea of washing clothes.
Bakshi took a sip from his free drink bought by Vijay and turned back to him.‘Fuck you, that bitch had the tenacity of asking me what is the productivity of my offshore team. You want to be onsite huh? I will make you rot at offshore for years.’ He turned back to Vijay again. ‘I know you have great love for Katherine. But she's not going to keep you onsite for long. I'm being nice to you because I am giving you only this warning. Otherwise I would've given you a fucking rating and got you out of WRSC. Your job is yours and not mine.’
'How much ever long it is, it's that longer.' The pindam added.
Vijay's eyes were swollen. A hefty masculine figure had tears in his eye.
'Don't cry now. The client screwed me. Ek desi kahawat hai (There is an Indian proverb.) Gand mein chatha dalke khol doonga. (...will put an umbrella into your ass and open it.) Consider client as a client. Don't think he's your father.’
And the pindam repeated the proverb and smiled. He should’ve imagined it, I'm sure.
I looked at Vijay. I couldn't read the expressions on his face. I felt like he would pull Bakshi by his neck and smash his face on the table. I wanted to take Bakshi's "free" beer bottle and smash it on his head. The question was who was going to do it first.
I decided I would. I kept my glass aside as I didn't want to spill my drink. I took a deep breath and pushed my chair back a little. The bartender came to our table and announced that bar is closing. Bakshi stood up, took a bottoms-up of his drink, left the bottle at the counter and left the place with the pindam on his tail.
*A Pindam [pin-dəm] in Malayalam, actually known as anapindam but referred to as pindam in short, is the elephant dung. In the wilderness, you have to be afraid of the elephant as well as the dung because if the dung is hot, it means the elephant is near. In the corporate world, it can match a tail of the big boss, an associate who walks around him all the time to earn favours. He may do from his manager’s excel sheet to carry his laptop bag. There are slight variations though. Sometimes, you may need to respect this associate as well.
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