My Best Friend's Wedding

I used to walk around with an age-old cell phone that had a broken case and a pale display. I was against the idea of wasting money on flashy gadgets. But Bakshi proved me wrong; keep up with the times, don't stay in the dark. After all he used to remind me that he's my friend and sometimes I used to feel that he's my best friend.

I was fed up with him and I wanted some way to get out of it. I didn’t want to leave the project half-way through and quit WRSC. The Recession was at it's peak. The first thing that I had to do was to get some evidence that would help me prove Bakshi an asshole. I bought a flashy phone with a voice recording facility. It had a one-touch recording capability and was perfect for the requirement. Every time Bakshi opened his mouth I casually put a finger into my pocket as if to scratch my nipple.

I recorded dozens of conversations. I got all the words that I wanted – ‘chootiya, asshole, fucking disaster, biggest mistake, pain in the ass, lick his balls, mother fucker…‘and many many more. I walked around with this shit load of recordings in my pocket for about 6 months without knowing what to do with it.

One day an English lady, Julian, showed up in the client office. She said that she was the new HR manager for our account.  The previous HR, a sexy Indian female who used to sit inside Bakshi’s pocket, was now being replaced by Julian.

Julian was addressing the WRSC associates in a meeting room. She was discussing the problems of long working hours and the work pressure. She showed pity on us with a smile on her face. I found that smile similar to the one a butcher shows before he cuts the neck of a baby chicken.

‘The client puts across tough deadlines; there is a lot of work pressure; we’re working on it; hopefully the client will approve more resources next month... blah blah blah’ Bakshi’s voice faded away like the routine traffic honking n humming at the Outer Ring Road at Bangalore.

‘Anybody have any questions?’ Julian was concluding the meeting.
One hand was raised, only one from the entire crowd and that was mine.
‘I need to talk to you personally.’ I said. Everyone’s face turned towards me. All looked as if I have said something terribly wrong. Bakshi gave me a I-will-surely-fuck-you-if-you-screw-me kind of look.

I had a long chat with Julian in a closed meeting room about the issues we all were facing. Julian seemed to listen like a school teacher listening to a 5 year old kid. She was just doing her job and I soon got frustrated. Finally, I said, ‘Look Julian. Forget about whatever I have told you till now. Recession has affected everyone and we had to cling on to the last floating debris and that’s why I’m still in WRSC. I have something that you need to listen to. I’m not sure if it’s legal in The United Kingdom.’ I placed my phone on the table. ‘Listen to this and let me know your thoughts.’

Julian listened to the first record for about a minute before she stopped. Her face reddened. ‘Is this real?’
‘Yes, very much.’ I smiled.
‘What the hell?’ She was surprised at the words coming out of the phone.
‘That’s only one in a hundred conversations.’
‘Oh! My god!!! I can’t believe it.’
‘You have to. I don’t know what to do with these recordings. But I’m not planning to give it to you as of now.’ I said. I gave her a few minutes to think that there were quite a few options in front of me - senior management, media, court, employment tribunal etc.

‘I’m so sorry, Alex. I didn’t know that this is what is happening here. Leave it to me. I’ll take care of this.’ She assured me that she’s going to fix all our problems forever before she returned to her office.

The next day morning, I found Bakshi resting his mighty ass on my desk.
‘What is that you had to talk to Julian so personally?’ He stared into my eyes.
‘Nothing!!! I was enquiring about some HR stuff.’ I arranged my coat and made myself comfortable on the chair.
‘What HR stuff?’
‘It’s personal.’
‘Why is that only you have to go the HR to discuss your problems? In this account, you are the only person who has problems.’
‘Not really. I am the only person who has a backbone.’
‘What?’
‘Everyone in this account is afraid of you; I am not. They’re afraid because they know that you would screw up their ratings, promotion, appraisals or whatever they think is more important to them than their personal life. I didn’t take up this profession seeing WRSC as the only software company. So please stop wasting my time. I have some work to finish by end of day today. I’ll catch you sometime in the evening if you want to discuss.’
‘No’ Bakshi smiled and went back to his desk.

Bakshi was asked to report at the WRSC regional office in London that afternoon. The HR team had pulled out various other dormant cases of complaints that were reported against him. My best guess is that there was an enquiry. Julian called me in evening to assure that I wouldn’t face anymore issues from Bakshi.  Bombs were dropped into Bakshi’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the war ended. I'm not aware of the extend of the damage it caused but Bakshi was now sane and normal.

He hardly talked to anyone for a few days but no dog’s tail would remain straight for ever. He made sure that he gave me enough respect and that I was always kept happy. He sometimes called me ‘beta (son)’ before he talked to me and occasionally I was reminded that I was his best friend. I lived the life of a prince for the remaining time I was with WRSC but everyone else in the account used to have a horror-story every day to put their kids to sleep.